What is Complicated Grief?
Complicated grief is an intense and enduring form of grief that reduces a person’s ability to cope or function. All of us grieve after the loss of a loved one; in mourning, most people move through the process of acceptance of loss so that their pain lessens, and they are able to fully engage with the present.
In complicated grief, sadness and mourning take hold of a person’s thoughts and feelings and won’t let go. People with complicated bereavement often say that they feel ‘stuck.’
The vast majority of people who experience grief and mourning are resilient in the face of loss and do not require professional support. Despite even tragic loss, most people are able to cope and adapt with bereavement over time, while regaining a sense of emotional wellness and positive relationships. Only when grief and mourning persist for an extended time and takes over a person’s life does treatment become helpful or necessary.
The term “complicated” refers to factors that interfere with the natural healing process. Factors that may hinder healing are sometimes related to the personality style of the person grieving, the nature of the relationship with the person who has died, the nature of the death or things that happened after the death.
How do People with Complicated Grief Feel?
People with complicated grief intellectually acknowledge that their loved one has died, but it is still difficult for them to accept this. They might say:
“Life is moving on, my family members are moving on, but I’m not.”
They often describe intense feelings of yearning for the person they are mourning, even years after the loss. Memories or thoughts of the deceased person frequently intrude on their thoughts. Anger, hurt, or bitterness about the circumstances surrounding their loved one’s death may make it difficult for them to live fully in the present or to find meaning in life as it currently stands. It can seem like joy or peace are out of reach for good.
When to Seek Professional Help for Complicated Grief
Only when grief persists for an extended time and takes over a person’s life does treatment become helpful or necessary.
Professional help is recommended if you are grieving and are struggling with any of the following:
• Persistent depression that interferes with normal activities
• Untreated alcohol or drug abuse
• Focusing on little else but your loved one’s death
• Experience intense pining or longing for the deceased person for several months after the death
• Intense thoughts of guilt or self-blame, believing that you did something wrong or could have prevented the death
• Feeling as if life isn’t worth living, having lost your sense of purpose in life
• Wishing you had died along with your loved one
In the cases above, it is important to recognize that grief may have turned into something more serious, and professional help is recommended. If these items apply to you, and if feel you might benefit from therapy, contact us. We can give you the tools to cope.
